OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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