I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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