Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
