Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
