so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
