I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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