It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
