youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So much rum. So many feels.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize