I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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