let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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