I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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