"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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