your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
