he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
