He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
