I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
