This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
