I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
