is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
