guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
