I am spending my child support on dildos
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
