I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize