I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
