when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
