please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
