ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
