Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
MIDGETS
????
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
