I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
