dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize