My room smells like vodka and shame
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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