I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
