____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
