Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
