I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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