please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
