i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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