I hate all girls vehemently.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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