I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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