He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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