bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
