I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
