She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
