Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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