My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize