I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize