in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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