I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
