I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
