My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ruined the universe
Randomize
