Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize