I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
