Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
