I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
