Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
