someone threw a dead crab at me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
