meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
