Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
