puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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