fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Terrible idea I love it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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