Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you never un-have a 4some
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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