Banned from zoo.
Again?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize