I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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