What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
