dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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