...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
