allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize