the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
